Something happened on November 3rd involving our son Ryan. I have to leave some specifics out right now as the organization involved is still working through their process for correcting the issue. Also we have no problem with the Organization, its offerings to the public or the way in which they have handled this so far. Our issue is with the person in charge of the after school program and the choice of discipline used.
The Set Up – there was a game being played and in the process the entire group was sat down for the bad actions of only a few. During this time Ryan was bullied to interrupt the adult that was admonishing the group, to ask if they could go back to playing. Now we as parents don’t condone his actions even though it was peer pressure, he indeed should be corrected because he should not interrupt. These two and Ryan were not involved as the original problem and did not understand this group punishment tactic and quite frankly I think it’s a poor management tool as well. (Keep in mind that this is not the only bullying incident that has happened there in the last year, there are numerous accounts).
The Result – Because Ryan gave in to peer pressure and the other two were the instigators, the adult decided they would all be suspended for two days, for being disrespectful. Even after admitting that Ryan was pressured into this, the adult still punished him. Now just a few weeks ago another child had been suspended for two days for choking two children almost to unconsciousness. So by punishing these actions to the same level, the director of the after school program just equalized being mouthy, speaking out of turn, or disrespectful to the same level as trying to physically inflict pain. Just as a foot note, Ryan was asked what disrespectful means by me and based on his answer I assure you that he did not understand their word for punishing him. Better explaining to him his actions might have solved the problem.
The Punishment – Because we were out of town, the Director of the after school program determined that it would be unfair for Ryan to be suspended for the two days. So instead of calling us to discuss it, and here comes the meat of this, Ryan was forced to sit in the foyer of the building and wear a sign that said “I am mean to other children” and “I do not listen to any adult at the (omitted)”. He was placed in the main thoroughfare for all of the many people parading in and out to see him. This was to be for a time period totaling 5+ hours over two days. Needless to say someone came through that had huge issues with this discipline and made a call to the main office, the next day the sign was gone however the 3 hour time out continued.
My punishment opinions for adults notwithstanding, this type of public ridicule, humiliation, hazing, degrading, demeaning or defaming punishment should never be used on an adolescent for any reason. Since returning to town and finding out all of this, we have expressed our great distain and disappointment to the organization and the CEO and COO of the parent organization. As of penning this column today, the program director has been suspended pending a further investigation and we are waiting for the due diligence to run its course. What we still have not gotten is an apology from the director or the organization. They have committed to keeping us informed through the process.
Well, that’s great, and I certainly appreciate their intent to keep us up to date. In the meantime Ryan is horrified to go back to the facility for multiple reasons including the fact that try as you might, there will be animosity now between all of the adults involved with this. In the meantime the thought that there is a person in charge of children that will publically degrade and mentally abuse them is unfathomable to us. This person should immediately lose their employment with the organization. Having them stand outside of the building on her last day wearing a sign that says “I torment children in public by making them wear signs, and now I have been fired” may be a nice touch. Practice what you preach.
This organization has spent 166 years lifting up youth and building character. However there is no room for this kind of higher than thou behavior from adults in an organization that prides itself on bettering the mind, spirit and body. Anyone that would engage in this type of humiliation of a child and justify it in their own mind dare not call themselves an educator or mentor.
That’s where we stand, what say you?
I'm all about sound discipline for children, but this is ridiculous. A simple note sent to the parents, a call from the director to the parents, a conference with the parents, or a 30-minute time out, withholding of a fun privilege that day or some similar form of punishment would have sufficed. What has gotten into people to go bananas over a simple offense like this as if you're dealing with hardened criminals or juvenile delinquents?
ReplyDeleteGreat points Bryan, and I agree completely. There are other things at play here that were not directly related to this incident. Such as calling the Wetumpka Police Department up there to 'scare' a child into acting correctly once. I dont agree with the Police being used in that manner.
ReplyDeleteSome of you reading this have asked some great questions. I can answer some of those here.
ReplyDeleteYes, the organization is working diligently to fix this issue. Actions against the employee have been taken on a temporary basis and more may be forthcoming. However I and they may differ on the ultimate outcome. Time will tell.
Yes, this has been an ongoing thing for a while now, that we were unaware of. However we also have found out that this is not the operating mode of the organization. They are completely embarrassed by this and all indications are that the adult acted alone.
In the mean time my child is damaged greatly. After the last few days of talking to him and his 2nd grade teacher he is suffering from all this more than I knew at first. I think a child who is bullied needs to be protected, not a note home or any punishment. I asked the after school care director just 3 weeks ago to protect him from being bullied. She could have split up him and the kids making him speak out. Then punished only if he kept on after that. She said she knew he was pushed into speaking out and punished him harshly for falling for peer pressure to be liked and fit in. The kid who pushed him to do this did not get punished at all from what Ryan saw. He saw him going back to play and not kicked out or made to sit by front door for 2 days with a sign. Ryan is a very sensitive person who is now a mess with no self confidence and feels he is a bad person.
ReplyDeleteThat is awful and she should be fired. I also do not agree with using the police for scare tactics. I hate when I go somewhere(usually west Montgomery) and the parents see me and say here they are take them because they are being bad. The kids start crying and are afraid. They should be taught that the police are there for them and not to get them. This just aids in raising criminals that learn to hate police.
ReplyDeleteExcellent point Chris!!! Police have a job and it does not include scaring children into following the rules. I and you both understand that sometimes police intervention is needed, however I bet we both agree that is never the case for 7 year olds.
ReplyDeleteOhhh my heart is breaking for Ryan....yes, he is a boy & 7 yrs old & 7 year olds do things to push the envelope but for an adult to humiliate him the way they did...or at all for that matter, just plan disgust me. I am out raged!! Ryan is such a sensitive soul with a ton of understanding, all they had to do is sit him down & explain what he did & why that was wrong & I promise you he would have gotten it. Sit him out of play time for that afternoon, but that's it. Man, I had no idea this had happened. Please give him a big WAR EAGLE hug from me until I see him & then I'll give him one myself.
ReplyDeleteAs a parent of a 6 and 7 year old, when I heard about this, disgust went through me. I was made aware of it from the person that called the head organization because she was asking my opinion of the whole scenario, then she called them. I wanted to find out what some of my friends thought about it and posted a question on FB about the "scenario". Their responses were mostly: outrage and shock! I loved your idea of having them be fired a sign with those exact words. My boys use the same program and I would be boiling HOT if this happened to mine. And not only to mine, but anyone's child. I can only imagine what Ryan is going through because of this and I can see from Barb's post above that he's not doing very good, which further concludes that this was a very bad decision. I will continue to follow this post and see what happens.
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