Why is it you can have the greatest kid in the world, until you complain about something? Let me explain. Ryan goes to an after school thing, of which I do not care to name at this point, and we never heard one complaint about him, his attitude or what he does. Then one day there was an issue, a small one, of which I made a small complaint. From that day forward and for quite some time, he was constantly in trouble and constantly doing something wrong. Everyday, not just most, but everyday there was someone always telling us that he did something wrong.
Last year on the bus, it was much of the same story. No issues and no complaints until I raised a question. Then, all of the sudden he was bringing home a bad slip from the bus driver each and every day.
I thought this was a fluke, until it happened again and this time with the school. We heard nothing but praise about him and what he does all though kindergarten. Then this year up until about two weeks ago we hear more of the same. Then one day I complained about something and now all of the sudden he is a troublesome child. Now in the last week we have heard about three different things that MUST be corrected because he is getting out of hand. I had been asked if maybe he was acting out because we had flexed our parenthood, but that’s not the case since he never saw or heard us raise these questions to these three totally different people. Coincidence? I think not!
So why is it, or why does it seem, that when someone raises an issue and complains that a child would then be targeted? Now don’t get me wrong, our little one is not the epitome of an Angel. He is hyper; he has to be told something more than once in most cases and left unchecked he can find mischief. Oddly enough, I think that is how most kids were when I was growing up and are now too. However, he is not a bad kid, not as bad as some we see and certainly right in line with the main stream of children. Yet, when I raise a question about something that implies his caretaker of the moment may need to change something or see something differently, he is singled out.
I also wondered if it was just me and my perception. Nope, checked into that too and found that many people out there are in the same boat. They have questioned something and have noticed that after their children seem to be the receiver of more bad reports one after another. To the point in some cases that the parents now just accept the system as it is and don’t say anything for fear of retribution to their children.
Oddly enough, and to test this hypothesis further, I made it clear on the after school deal and the bus that he was in fact being targeted, and that if it continued, they would see the wrath of a father scorned. Guess what, there are no more problems at the after school place and the bus, well he hasn’t gotten a bad slip since nor do there seem to be any problems.
If you’re an educator, a mentor, a parent that watches others children, or just deal with children on a daily basis in some capacity, and a parent comes to you with a complaint; remember it’s not the child that is complaining to you. If your only recourse is to be harder on the child than you were before because your inequities were handed to you, then maybe you need to re-evaluate your career choice before blaming the child. I think from now on I will start conversation with his authority figures as such – “I am about to complain about something and if Ryan suffers the brunt of me bringing this up, then….”. I don’t know, just pondering ya’ll……..
